Speak up..

Someone once told me my feet aren't pretty. "In fact they are ugly!" she shrieked. I wanted to turn around and tell her that my feet were prettier than her face. But, I stopped myself. We do these things. We stop ourselves from saying we really want to say. All that, as we want to prevent unnecessary drama in our lives. There are however, some people, mostly relatives, who don't think for a split second of what effect their words would have on the other person. If the people are in-laws, well, words flow. The veil of respect is torn aside and hurting with words becomes a way of life. The hurt is covered with a veil of ‘frankness’ or ‘openness’. But, people term it as acceptable and in turn expect tolerance  from the person who has just come into their lives.

The line between being caring and showing that you care can be defined even by a kid. When a person really cares, they don't need to show the world and when a person doesn't care, he/she tries to show off to the world, for whatever reasons. when people care, they try to make others happy and politely say things that they feel isn't right. But, when there is no concern or respect for the other person, people take to a franker tone of speech. Being frank, (read rude ) is a premeditated act  by people who think they are powerful and the feeling of being powerful comes from being the boy's parents (esp in India). The fact that society approves of the grooms parents as being a notch higher in the society, gives them certain liberties, which they flamboyantly exhibit. This error in judgement by the society has given rise to a dowry-prone, rape-victimised, female- infanticidal, patriarchal society.

Why are people frank with some people and careful with others when Frankness usually ends in someone being hurt. I have encountered many a frank souls in my life who had an opinion about everything I did or was about to do. Walk like this - talk like that - your parents don't know - you are slow - raise your kids like I did - feed them like I did. Comments on everything one does can lead one to a point of snapping. Even to the point of losing one’s mind. We are in a culture that tells its girls to respect elders. So much so that the girl loses track and forgets she is a human being too. A woman doesn't realise when her life gets abusive and disrespectful.

  

What does a woman trapped in such a situation do? Does she just lie back and listen to everything and then commit a crime against herself by hanging herself from a piece of cloth that should've adorned her? Does she complain? or does she just bow out of the marriage and deny herself the little pleasures of a happy family life? It is absolutely important that a girl speaks up for herself and in time. If she speaks up when it’s too late, her pain will not affect anyone. Questions will be raised about the timing of her outburst, as it will be just that – an outburst. All the grief that’s bottled up within her would just blow the lid off one day. And, it’s important that her near and dear ones believe her and take action against the people who belittle her dignity. The society may blame her, as the 'society' needs to talk about things. She however mustn't forget that she is a part of the same society and she needs to change the place and make it better and respectful.

When I was in such a situation, I bore the brunt for twenty years. I did not speak up as the family’s pride had to be kept intact. On the first day after twenty years, I listened to myself and shouted out with all my strength. I was yelled at jeered, taunted, stared at  and then ignored. But, I was finally free..