Calling names

A little girl in a smart cotton frock walked into the Principal's office. It was 11.00a.m. and the parents sat outside waiting for the child to emerge. After a good 15 minutes the child came out smiling with a chocolate in hand. "Conratulations, " said the clerk there, "Your child has got admission into school". But what did they ask you? asked the over eager parents. She asked" what is your name? i said my name and then she asked my Father's name and i said Mr AK Mukherjee". Then? was the blank expression on the parents faces. The mother was evidently glowing as her daughters answers were exactly what had been taught to her. "She also asked My mothers name", said teh little girl as she gobbled the chocolate in her hand, "and what did you say", the mother almost cried because she had forgotten to teach the daughter her mothers name. "I said My mothers name is Shuncho Mukherjee", the girl replied casually. The parents looked at each other, amused at the casualness of the statement and then both of them burst out laughing. The child did not understand what made her parents so happy.


This is just a small example of what a womans name is reduced to after she becomes a mother. It's surprising the child did not call her by any other name. It's simply because she had never heard her mothers name being said anywhere. She had used her intelligence and recalled her dad using the term 'Shuncho' every time he addressed her mother.


I too, had grown up thinking my mother's name was 'Sunti ho'. I remember wondering what kind of parents would call their daughter by such a weird name. It was one afternoon at my grandparents place that I discovered that my mom had a beautiful name nd that 'sunti ho' was just a term used by my dad to address her. Sunti ho, btw, means are you listening? and my moms hearing abilities were far too superior, considering the expertise with which she knew where we were in the house without moving out of her room.


This is a phenomenon that's so common in the whole country. A woman in India is reduced to being called a 'bahu, bhabhi ji, aunty ji, chachi ji, mami ji etc after marriage. The arrival of a baby into her life endorses her Aunty ji image for life. The name her parents had given her is a thing of the distant past and any reference to the name is bound to well tears into her eyes. Things have changed for the better and now girls like to be referred to by their first name, whether they are working women or home makers and not as some Mrs so and so. They retain their maiden surnames too in some cases.


But! weren't just women supposed to abstain from taking their husbands names! What was this then? role reversal or what!! Over the years I realised that women across the country in most Hindu families underwent such risky branding of their names. If you're in Punjab and happen to walk down a sarson ka khet, you are bound to meet a 'simpu di mummy'. Punjab is one place that's very gender centric and relates to father with the male child and mother with the female child. Eg: Buntoo de pappa te Nippy di mummy!! Move down to Haryana and the wife become the 'gharaali'. No man dares takes his wife's name. It's always, 'mharo gharaali versus thaaro gharaali'. Outsiders just avoid them. Come down south and 'terms change to 'yeevandi' or an amma at the end of their first child's name. Chinni's mother becomes chinnamma, missa's mother would be termed missamma and so on and so forth.


Whoever said Men in India do not respect women!! If respect meant not addressing a husband by his name then women have been doing their job well and so have the men.
Ask an Indian army jawan about how things are at home, on his return from leave and his reply could be,"Phamily agley maheene ke 8 taarikh ko bachcha paida karne ke liye taiyar hai shreeman!" and a sharp salute follows. The officer who must've asked the question is bound to put up a brave front and avoid any show of amusement. His laughter is ofcourse vented out once evening dawns and patiala pegs go down his throat.

I personally have no problem whatsoever with what someone calls his/her spouse.
The 'a ji', 'suniye ji' brigade is almost extinct now and names are here to stay. The Feminist movement to get women equal rights with men has come of age too. Women call men by their names and men call them by their names too. But! wasn't that what was happening earlier too. Anyways. While I'm sitting here trying to figure out this grave issue, I can hear someone shouting out for a cup of tea. It's my 'woh', and now, I must go..