Speak up..

Someone once told me my feet aren't pretty. "In fact they are ugly!" she shrieked. I wanted to turn around and tell her that my feet were prettier than her face. But, I stopped myself. We do these things. We stop ourselves from saying we really want to say. All that, as we want to prevent unnecessary drama in our lives. There are however, some people, mostly relatives, who don't think for a split second of what effect their words would have on the other person. If the people are in-laws, well, words flow. The veil of respect is torn aside and hurting with words becomes a way of life. The hurt is covered with a veil of ‘frankness’ or ‘openness’. But, people term it as acceptable and in turn expect tolerance  from the person who has just come into their lives.

The line between being caring and showing that you care can be defined even by a kid. When a person really cares, they don't need to show the world and when a person doesn't care, he/she tries to show off to the world, for whatever reasons. when people care, they try to make others happy and politely say things that they feel isn't right. But, when there is no concern or respect for the other person, people take to a franker tone of speech. Being frank, (read rude ) is a premeditated act  by people who think they are powerful and the feeling of being powerful comes from being the boy's parents (esp in India). The fact that society approves of the grooms parents as being a notch higher in the society, gives them certain liberties, which they flamboyantly exhibit. This error in judgement by the society has given rise to a dowry-prone, rape-victimised, female- infanticidal, patriarchal society.

Why are people frank with some people and careful with others when Frankness usually ends in someone being hurt. I have encountered many a frank souls in my life who had an opinion about everything I did or was about to do. Walk like this - talk like that - your parents don't know - you are slow - raise your kids like I did - feed them like I did. Comments on everything one does can lead one to a point of snapping. Even to the point of losing one’s mind. We are in a culture that tells its girls to respect elders. So much so that the girl loses track and forgets she is a human being too. A woman doesn't realise when her life gets abusive and disrespectful.

  

What does a woman trapped in such a situation do? Does she just lie back and listen to everything and then commit a crime against herself by hanging herself from a piece of cloth that should've adorned her? Does she complain? or does she just bow out of the marriage and deny herself the little pleasures of a happy family life? It is absolutely important that a girl speaks up for herself and in time. If she speaks up when it’s too late, her pain will not affect anyone. Questions will be raised about the timing of her outburst, as it will be just that – an outburst. All the grief that’s bottled up within her would just blow the lid off one day. And, it’s important that her near and dear ones believe her and take action against the people who belittle her dignity. The society may blame her, as the 'society' needs to talk about things. She however mustn't forget that she is a part of the same society and she needs to change the place and make it better and respectful.

When I was in such a situation, I bore the brunt for twenty years. I did not speak up as the family’s pride had to be kept intact. On the first day after twenty years, I listened to myself and shouted out with all my strength. I was yelled at jeered, taunted, stared at  and then ignored. But, I was finally free..

Women can wait

When people have borne the pain of living in a place governed by an insensitive government, they revolt. In a democracy where people are given the right to speak for themselves, a few hundred people, mostly youngsters are embroiled in a sea of empathy towards a girl who was gang-raped in a moving bus in the heart of the country - the Capital of the country. There were cries for justice. On the first day youngsters protested peacefully and the anger of the of the protesters seemed channelized. The second morning massive police deployement at the India gate stopped youngsters from protesting there and the protesters were beaten up by the police. Young girls scuttled under the bus so they wouldn't get carried away by the police and the scenes which were captured on camera shook the entire nation. I cried. Who wouldn't?


The young girls who are harassed almost every day of their lives cried out for justice and bore the lathicharge bravely. Their resolve to fight for their rights was so strong that the momentary pain of the blow of the police lathis  didn't deter them. The water cannons couldn't douse the the fire that burnt within the protesters. Men and women  and children of all ages had been united for a cause -- a cause so just and yet so bitterly avoided(by the politicians). Women leaders from across party lines voiced their opinions at the horrendous act of the gang that had the audacity to rape and torture a woman. The surprising part was that most men preferred to keep their views to themselves. Men are clearly ashamed as they know where their thoughts move and at what pace!!


Peace marches ended and then a spate of comments from the likes of the RSS chief to Asaram  and a few like minded misogynists, who have forgotten they entered the world through a passage of painful convulsions. Oh! did I forget to mentionn Mr Mukherjee, our Presidents son (That's his only claim to fame, after all!) His comment managed to draw the media's glare away from the death of the policeman and the lies of the Delhi police. Today, the cries for justice have died down.. Life is back to its usual mundane self. But, the fear remains. The number of rape cases hasn't gone down. People have certainly taken it in their stride to be more aware and to help others around them. The government however, is busy -- in resolving larger issues like Kashmir and the economic dyamics of the country. The suddenness of the recent Kashmir issue has just ignited a flame of suspicion. Was it really Pakistan's fault? That is a question I'd rather keep to myself, for the fear of being jailed!! As for women..


Women can wait.

Main

Woh sadkon pe, galiyon mein, raaston pe aasani se chaltey rahey,
Main aaj bhi ghar ke kamron mein apne aap ko dhoondhti firti hoon..

To hide or to tell..

Early in the morning when the sun rises and birds begin chirping, I close my eyes and pretend it's night. I keep hoping the night would never end. But, the day arrives and so one has to wake up. I draw the curtains and the only thing i get to see are walls and windows of the other apartment. Ah! the luxuries of living in a metro! But, no, those aren't the only things I see from my window, I also see undergarments tucked on windows. The neighbour, a woman hides it from behind the curtain and everyone except she and her family are able to see the unseeable thing!!




It always happens that when we try to hide something, it bounces back and shows up at places that are beyond imagination. You try to hide from a person and in all probability, you are bound to come face to face with that person in a theater or the market (of all places). The recent example of the ministers in the Karnataka assembly is one such example. The three great men in their oblivious worlds, entertained themselves to some content that was not acceptable in a public place. The world saw them see the videos. Or for that matter, the entire Bill Clinton saga, that the world watched.




There can't be a single person who hasn't hidden something from someone. We, in our lives, constantly hide our emotions or material things and try to portray something that doesn't exist. Things that would show us in a different way. If one does not have a certain thing, he/she is scared they would be judged accordingly. So, the lies begin and to hide the lies, more lies follow, till one day things fall apart. All the lies lay scattered and everyone gets to know what really existed. Hiding isn't something one does intentionally. It just happens - like any other natural action. The reasons may vary. One may be hiding things out of fear while another may be hiding to protect their loved ones from pain or trauma. But then, there may be people who hide out of habit, which has been inculcated over time or one hides things out of sheer wish of doing so.




The only right thing to do is to-not-do the things you don't want the world to know. But again, if you restrain from doing the things you want to do, aren't you cheating yourself. Aren't you hiding things from yourself. Circumstances and places dominate how much of liberty we can exercise. In a democracy one can exhibit their emotions and get away with it. The same expression of emotions may not be acceptable in another part of the world. One learns to limit the emotions accordingly and the only thing that remains eternal is - to each his/her own.

Of brides and cheers

A girl in a saree hugged people around her and cried. People around her, cried too. But, then, something happened – A man who apparently happened to be the groom couldn’t control his tears and started crying too. No one knew what to do but the crying turned into smiles. The bride smiled too and the car drove away.
Bidai or Vidai is a word synonymous to Indian weddings. The girl – the bride, leaves her parents home and treads on a journey to her husband’s home. In the olden days, when the marriage ceremony was about to conclude, a palanquin waited to carry away the bride.. The palanquin bearers would sing on the way, but the girl cried her heart out . The grief of leaving behind her parents, brothers, sisters, and the numerous other relatives and the only life she had known until then overpowers her emotions. The thought that her childhood had been lost forever dawned much later. It was only after the constant sway of the palanquins had lulled her to sleep, would she realize that a new life awaited her. The excitement of meeting her new relatives took over the sadness and void created by the feeling of loss at leaving behind the only home she had known all her life. Brides were generally very young those days.

Those were the days when there was no appropriate means of communication/transportation. A girl, after marriage didn’t know when she would travel back to meet her parents. She didn’t know whether she would be able to see her old grandmother again. She wasn’t sure she would see her kid brother when he decked up as a groom and brought home a bride himself. She wasn’t sure she would see the house where she was brought up. The tears were a culmination of all these thoughts rolled into one. Tears were the only means of solace for brides of yester years.

Things changed a little when there were better means of transportation and the marriageable age of a girl grew by a few years. The brides, however, cried as usual when they left their parents homes. The love that their parents had bestowed upon them and the secure life given to them by their parents wove around them a safety net, which was hard for the husband-to-be to emulate; or so the brides thought, hence the tears. Tears are anyways, a natural element of emotion for all women folk! Brides of course, have a copyright over them. The young girls had apprehensions about their future homes as they knew lit le or nothing about their future homes.
A girl in a saree hugged people around her and cried. People around her, cried too. But, then, something happened – A man who apparently happened to be the groom couldn’t control his tears and started crying too. No one knew what to do but the crying turned into smiles. The bride smiled too and the car drove away.
Bidai or Vidai is a word synonymous to Indian weddings. The girl – the bride, leaves her parents home and treads on a journey to her husband’s home. In the olden days, when the marriage ceremony was about to conclude, a palanquin waited to carry away the bride.. The palanquin bearers would sing on the way, but the girl cried her heart out. The grief of leaving behind her parents, brothers, sisters, and the numerous other relatives and the only life she had known until then overpowers her emotions. The thought that her childhood had been lost forever dawned much later. It was only after the constant sway of the palanquins had lulled her to sleep, would she realize that a new life awaited her. The excitement of meeting her new relatives took over the sadness and void created by the feeling of loss at leaving behind the only home she had known all her life. Brides were generally very young those days.



Those were the days when there was no appropriate means of communication/transportation. A girl, after marriage, didn’t know when she would travel back to meet her parents. She didn’t know whether she would be able to see her old grandmother again. She wasn’t sure she would see her kid brother when he decked up as a groom and brought home a bride himself. She wasn’t sure she would see the house where she was brought up. The tears were a culmination of all these thoughts rolled into one. Tears were the only means of solace for brides of yester years.



Things changed a little when there were better means of transportation and the marriageable age of a girl grew by a few years. The brides, however, cried as usual when they left their parents homes. The love that their parents had bestowed upon them and the secure life given to them by their parents wove around them a safety net but grief caught up. The emotional dilemma is easily converted into the best thing girls know of. Tears!! Brides of course, have a copyright over them.


Today, girls are so caught up with careers, they have no time. No time for marriage. If they get married, no time for kids. If they do have kids, no time for the marriage.. It's a vicious circle but life continues. Tears will have to wait, there is no time for them, especially not when a girl is leaving her parents place. This is because, a daughter is a daughter all her life, a son is a son till he gets a wife!!

Chocolates

A boy woke up from sleep one day and saw a house full of chocolates. He slept again and thought he dreamt of it. He woke up after an hour and again saw his house ful of chocolates. This time he woke up and rubbed his eyes. He walked to the wall of chocolates and tasted one of them.

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He ate chocolates everyday but the chocolates always got replaced by bigger and better ones. It so hppened that he had to travel to his cousin's place, and he was worried about his chocolate house. So, he carried as much as he could in his bag. He walked for two days and all he had to eat was chocolates. When he reached his cousin's place, he was surprised to see just one chocolate in his bag. "Should I give it to my cousin", he thought, and then knocked at the door.

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He saw his cousin and hugged him. His cousin looked pale. "Are you well", he asked. "No, but I will be fine" replied the cousin. "It's just that I haven't eaten for over two days", he added. The boy didn't utter a word. He was overcome with a strong feeling of guilt. "But, how can I offer him just one chocolate", he thought, and looked for it in the bag. He found it there, the shiny wrapper waited to be torn open. He then looked at his cousin. "Will this single piece of chocolate fulfill his hunger" he thought. "No, i don't think so", his mind replied.


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He asked his cousin to fetch him a glass of water and bent down and gobbled up the single piece of chocolate. His cousin gave him the glass of water and he drank it in one gulp. He felt tired and wanted to sleep, so, he walked up to the bed and lied down. In minutes he was fast asleep. When he woke up it was morning and lots of people stood in the little hut. He walked up to the crowd to see what was happening.

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Something wrapped in a white piece of cloth lay there on the floor. His aunt wailed as she thumped her heart. He looked around for his cousin, but couldn't find him. He searched more but he wasn't there. He had to return that day. So, he walked up to his aunt and bid her farewell. She cried endlessly and told him to travel carefully. He promised her, he would be careful and he walked away. The only thought that kept disturbing him on his return journey was the absence of his cousin..

Back

I didn't quite realise I hadn't blogged for well over two years. Should I blame that on time -- that was too less or my lack of interest or other work or well, the list goes on. No excuse is good enough for not doing something you like doing. So, I am back and hope to keep up my resolve to write regularly..

An art called lie

I typed 'Anartcalledlife' in the URL space and waited for the page to open. But, The page didn't open and the message that showed on the page read -- This page cannot be found. I had apparently typed 'Anartcalledlie'. One letter had transformed my blog from being a simple, sweet blog name to a new blog idea. It was the letter F that was missing, but I wouldn't waste time on the missing letter, coz the word 'lie' has been bugging me.

Lying is an art indeed.

The word lie has various connotations. But, again, I would keep the dirty minds from swaying away from what I mean. I mean the liars lie. ‘You should never lie’ is usually the first lesson for a child. Life however, twists and turns and teaches the child that sticking to the term is the most difficult thing life has to offer.

The first chocolate stolen from a siblings cupboard and when the child is asked if he/she has done it, the answer is a lie. When studies begin, there are exams to be given. Many a times results hidden, albeit for a day or two, to avoid being beaten up. Lying helps in the delay in violence and the child learns the lesson. Of course the parents learn of the mistake and teach him a lesson or two with heaps of advices is an addition.

Come adulthood and the person makes friends from the other gender. In India, these relationships are usually hidden from parents. “Where were you” queries the parent and the answer is a lie. “At a friends place Ma/Pa” The lie is bared open when the couple returns one fine day to announce that they are married!!

The list of lies is endless after this –
- I got late as I was at office
- I love you so much I can’t look at any other woman!!
- I can’t talk to you as I am at an official meeting..
- I love saas bahu serials
- I don’t like watching cricket!! It’s such a boring game
- I can’t live without you etc etc
- I never touch liquor, my friend’s drink but I don’t!
- I NEVER LIE..

Krishna, The only living human God was a veritable liar and how we cherish the tales of lies he dabbed in butter. He lied and the tales of lies are remembered even to this day, to the extent that we declared him God. But then, he was the unsurpassable, avatar of Lord Vishnu and he ought to be forgiven. We are but mortals.

Coming back to the person who lies! He grows older and lies about his feelings, his emotions, his wealth and his age too. Life flashes by when the grey hairs shimmer under light. He realizes Life was an art called lie, manipulated to different degrees at different times.

Storm and I

Half a mile of speedy sunshine, half a mile of breeze
and then there was the rains and storm amongst the breezy trees.
The storm passed through the forest and chased the green leaves,
The girl a boy, a woman a man, wait! please.

It seems to me that something's gone wrong?
A tree has been uprooted and houses have no sound,
The storm had thrown apart human lives,
and left behind people huddled on the ground.

Broken and charred, shattered and marred,
things that once made a home were all ablaze,
The fire in a hut still burnt at it's pace,
People stood and gaped at their lives disgrace.

Nature's fury had taken a toll and how!
It was a few hours of madness and the breeze played foul,
It was meant to be a gentle flow,
Though it turned into an angry row.

Without a thought it swept and blew,
taking with it all, memories - old and new.
What was left behind was a heap of stones,
to be thought of all life and be mourned.

How I wish I could have been the chosen one,
to sleep as the wind blew,
But as luck would have it at all times,
I was away when it passed through.

I am left now, to grieve and mourn ones who lived,
to heal the wounds of others, who hurt and limp,
The sun will shine again and the breeze will gently blow,
But, till then I have a long way to go.

I have the will to make amends and the wish to live,
Life is but just a passing thought.
It is a long chain of emotions and body and soul,
I have to just untie the knot.

Talk of Patriotism!!

These pictures were forwarded to me some time back. In today's age of dhongi baba'a and equally dhongi mata's, when faith is being held at ransom by a handful of intelligent business people, isn't it not so surprising to find our National Flag lying at someone's feet??

This audacious behaviour meted out to the Nation's symbol of existence is certainly not acceptable. I hope to meet this Godwoman soon and make her realise the importance of the Tricolour. God save her!!